Clueless....

I am continually being reminded of something in this work. That thing is quite simple, and yet irritating. I constantly get reminded of what it is like to be a clueless student. There are very few worse feelings in this world.

We are all, us researchers, in a constant state of “I don’t know jack.” I came out of undergraduate degree and launched into this job. It felt a little odd at first, as I came to grips the simple idea that preparing for an assignment is like cramming for an exam or an essay deadline. However, it began to sink in that each time I am put on a new project I may have a mere week to get familiar with a subject about which I know nothing. Disaster Risk Reduction project evaluation coming up? You got a week to learn about it and come up with a survey. Water, Sanitation and Hygiene baseline? Go through forty documents in two days to figure out what the hell they thought they are about to do. Peacebuilding exercise to evaluate? Oh boy, good luck with that one. Not much of that is measurable in any easy way. Good luck in that one.

A new colleague of mine, Cleopatra, pointed out a very simple truth. While speed reading a dozen DDR documents, she blurted out “I feel like I am studying again!” She just completed her MA and doubtless thought she may have left those worrisome days of cramming behind.

I had realised before graduating, that life would not be gravy in this regard. Final year undergrads can happily hold court over younger years who constantly ask for advice, seek guidance and reassurance, and who generally hope to be in your position very soon. However, conversations with other graduates had already shown me that upon finishing your degree you immediately find yourself at the bottom of the knowledge pile again. Everyone in the field you want to get into has studied more, worked longer, and experienced more than you. Welcome back to feeling like an idiot once more. Facing the slow scramble back up the face of ‘knowing what you are talking about’ is daunting enough when starting a career.

Now imagine doing this with every project you are given, once or twice a month. 

Welcome to the life of the contracted researcher.

With any luck one will end up getting contracts that require you to do research on an area you have covered before. Perhaps one might get a couple of Shelter projects in a row. Now things may not feel so desperate, as your knowledge from one feeds over to another. The more you do, the more project like this you may be given. I imagine this is how experts get made. By accident. With any luck, however, the stress of learning decreases over time as one finds oneself on a burgeoning (and completely unexpected) career path.

Now, I have to ask you, have you ever encountered someone who says “I enjoy learning”? I bet we all have. I would like to share an observation with you on this common assertion: The fuckers are lying to you. They are probably lying to themselves. Nobody likes learning. Never. What people enjoy is being learnED. They like the feeling you get when you have finally figured something out, or when you realise you know more than the other people in the room. Sounds big-headed, but it is true nonetheless. It is the relief of moving from the feeling of being clueless to the state of being clued up that is the real kick.

The problem is, I suspect that feeling of being constantly clueless is going to be with me for life. I suspect that what YOU don’t realise is that it might be with you for life too. I think that being complacent in learning is going to cripple modern and future workers. The modern worker is going to have to learn how to become an expert on new topics very quickly as jobs become less about being work for life, and more about who knows what. More and more people will be part of the knowledge based economy. Being at the cutting edge of your field is going to be crucial, and maintaining that advantage will require constant study as information and knowledge becomes easier to share. Knowing something about a lot of subjects won’t get you very far. Wikipedia knows a lot about a broader range than you. One will need to become an expert really fast to be competitive.

Welcome to a life of feeling clueless…