Introduction to Juba Relationships

Social life is important for an Ex-pat in South Sudan. It gives us a break from the stress, allows us to divulge and divest our frustrations. It lets others see how we are doing, lets them talk to us. Relationships get formed quite quickly, almost as quickly as the alcohol gets consumed. Workers stay in their postings for relatively short periods of time. After about a year people begin to yearn for home, Many UN postings are for a maximum of two years, which is as much as many can do. The turnover of colleagues, and therefore turn over friends, is not just down to homesickness though. It is also determined by people's desire to forge ahead in their career. Getting a new job in this line of work does not just mean moving up in the organisation. It is likely to mean moving country as well.

We are faced with a dichotomy. We work and play with our colleagues, seeing them in the office in the day and then drinking, talking or watching movies with them in the evenings. It is easy to spend all day in each other's pockets, developing very close relationships very quickly. However, they are only here for a few months, so we know these relationships have to be casual. You face a choice: Do I spend emotional focus on these friends, telling them everything, or do I keep some distance in preparation for the time we have to separate?

In this casual/intense atmosphere, relationships blossom and disappear. But bear in mind, that this is a social atmosphere that is divorced from that at home. There is very little constraint on how those relationships can develop. Many develop into love affairs, often with the full knowledge of the expat community. Rumours will spread, and people will hear about those dalliances. It is a small pool of people, so you may find that your ex is now involved with your friend. They won't be able to keep it quiet, not for long.

What of those already married when they get here? What happens to their relationships with those back home? I have not yet been around long enough to answer this question in a meaningful way. Many people take lovers here. The ubiquitous phrase "what happens in ____ stays in _____" applies here as much as it does anywhere else in the world. What is not clear to me is how these affairs impact the marriage or family at home. I have yet to meet those that have lost a marriage to their work, but I am sure they are out there. I think it is fair to say that long term separation places a strain on a family. The infidelity I am not so sure about.

Marriages do last.  There are some who spend their lives going from mission to mission, posting to posting, sending money home and only occasionally visiting. Perhaps this is enough to keep their family happy and balanced. I have met some who have kept this going for decades. The attrition rate, of those that failed in this task, I can only guess at. I will let you know more as I find out. Unfortunately this might take a few years, and lots of personal experience. With any luck I will not be a 'failure' statistic.